A brief history of unemployment part 1

A brief history of my unemployment

It’s good to be the King sayeth Mr. Brooks

 

I figured with all the unemployment posts that I’ve written, I should probably give you a little background as to why I’m unemployed. Yes, I quit. The first time. I needed to quit. It was a decision that was not made lightly and it was a decision that took me several years to think about and six months to decide. I didn’t want to quit because I saw it as a failure but when you’re coming home stressed to the point of not giving a shit, moody and despondent and prone to panic and depression, it’s time to make a change. It honestly wouldn’t have been fair to anyone if I had stayed.

So here it is, my history of unemployment part 1

2010 – After five years working at a legal education provider, I quit. I didn’t have another job lined up because I quit due to the fact that I was going bananas.I started looking for a few jobs before I quit but I wasn’t getting any call backs then. So I figured, better I leave before my head explodes and the nice cleaning ladies have to clean up brain matter off of my cubicle walls.

June – July 2010 – My rest period. I needed a break and my husband agreed with me about this grace period.

July – August 2010 – I was supposed to be writing. Instead I was beginning to get writer’s block because all I could think about was how in the hell am I going to get a job. Though I hadn’t been applying (please see grace period) I had been looking. It was scary

August 2010 – May 2011 – Sending out resumes like a mad woman, learning how to write a cover letter and hating the fact that cover letters aren’t even read, no interviews, no call backs, a few rejection emails

May 2011 – Call a temp agency and get placed at a company for a gig that is supposed to last two weeks

May 2011 – June 2012 – Two weeks turned into 13 months because they liked me

November 2011 – present – sending resumes out like a mad person, cover letters, jobs that I really want and jobs that I could take are both ignoring me, sending resumes and emails to other temp agencies. We all know how this one ends.

August 2012 – my temp agency proves even more worthless than I originally thought. I turn down a gig because I don’t have the qualifications and it would only be for about a month.  This is the one and only time they had gotten back to me

September 2012 –  Start All Mirth No Matter so that you guys can enjoy my insanity

 

So there you go, in a nutshell, why I’m still unemployed and how a decision two years ago can affect your everyday life in the present.

This is a Dagwood. This is not the sandwich I ate. I don’t even know how one would eat a sandwich like this

So in keeping with my 7 New things on Tuesday I decided to get a little naughty.

I bought a different sandwich at Subway. Oh yeah, sexy times were had by all.

No, seriously. To go out of my Subway sandwich routine is always a risk. The last time I ordered something that wasn’t my normal Cold Cut Combo (which is gross even if you think about) I got sick. At work.

Not fun.

 

Anyway, I decided to step outside my food comfort zone and order a sandwich with Ham, Turkey and Roast Beef.  Oh  my follies are numerous.

It was all right. But the whole time I was eating the sandwich I kept thinking “Man I miss my old sandwich”.
Yeah, I’m just that boring.

I’d like to think that on Wednesday I did something even more amazing. Alas, the answer is no. I mean, I sort of watched the Presidential Debate and finished a book.

I decided that Wednesday was my day of rest. ;D

Yes, I’m judging myself.

 

 

 

sick…but this is your playground until mommy gets better

I have a head cold. Of course I get a head cold at the tail end of summer when it is still averaging around 80 degrees because that’s just my luck.

So what I’m going to do, since I’ve been remiss the past few days, is let you guys play. Send me something funny – a story, a picture, a poll, a giant elephant, whatever makes you happy. Or a cure for a head cold, I will take that.

In order for this to work, you have to post in the comments.

Here’s something for you guys; I loved it so much in college.

It might be offensive to some, so don’t watch if you don’t like cursing, ruining childhood memories or weird children.

 

fear, panties, and wolfberry pop-tarts

DT as 10th Doctor

 

The other night I was up late, due to sleeping issues, and an idea came to me. Ok, not an idea so much as a revision of an idea and I couldn’t get it out of my head for the life of me. Every time I dozed off, the images and dialogue popped up in my head like an old drive-in movie and I couldn’t shake it away.  Usually this is a great thing. I crave these moments like dragon-chaser craves that ultimate vivid high. To me it means my muse has once again deigned to grace me with her presence (oh muse, you fickle fickle thing).

It also means that sleep will continue to elude me until I write this stuff down.

So, being the good little insomniac that I am, I arose from my bed with nary a clatter and stumbled half-sleeping into my living room, grabbing my white board and a marker before plopping down on the couch. Turning on the television, I turn the channel to the Food Network/Cooking Channel (which is another subject for another time) and write by the light of the Iron Chef.

I erased everything that was on my white board which had Story Idea A on it and started on Story Idea B, which in my opinion was better and more suited to my style and taste. The problem with SI A was that I was never sure if I needed to make it First Person or Third Person. I tend to write in the Third Person focusing on two characters at a time (meaning two POV switches only) and First Person when I am writing a short story or vignette.  The fact that I was vacillating between the two gave me pause and stopped me from writing more than three pages. I wasn’t sure where the hell it should go and how it should be voiced.

That’s an indicator that something is wrong.

Also, the story felt too contrived and it was hard for me to get to the points I wanted to get to. I don’t really have a logical plan when I start writing. I have bios and characteristics and I have a synopsis and points that I want to hit; it’s more like a blue print rather than an itemized list.

Anyway, back to the story.

So, erasing everything and writing down the SI B, I feel really good about this story and I can’t wait to write it. I mean I’ve already visualized the important parts and dialogue; all I really need to do is just write it down.

That’s when it happens.

Fear.

At first it feels a little like how you feel before going to a party by yourself and you don’t really know anyone. And they aren’t serving alcohol.

Then you take a few breaths and mentally mutter “I can do this” but it doesn’t sound as convincing as you thought it was going to sound so you pause and wonder how are you going to do this.

The nerves turn into anxiety.

What if I can’t do this? What if it is all going to turn to crap and then I’m going to end up never writing anything and it will end like crap and I’ll keep repeating myself until my fragile ego needs to be coddled and soothed like a mewling infant?

This is when the awesome numbness slips over you and you can’t do anything but stare at a group of people trying to make wolfberry poptarts FTW!

I suck.

That’s the only thought that I had at that moment. That I really and truly just suck.

I took to Facebook with my feelings of inadequacy and a few people responded that I should pretty much put on my big girl panties and push on.

On anything else I would completely and wholeheartedly agree.

But when it comes to something that is such a part of me and is such an expression of vulnerability, I can’t help but listen to the” I can’t do this, this will be awful no matter what”, portion of my brain (that treacherous bastard).

I think I need a new pair of big-girl panties.