start as you mean to go on…pink hair and burning scalps

Last week I mentioned that I plan to do 7 days of NEW things.

Well, last night I did.

I bleached and dyed the front of my head pink.

The CONS

Yes, I’m a few months away from 30 and I have done a “teenage” thing.

And I’m getting used to people staring.

My husband thinks I’m a lunatic and I will not be getting any jobs (because they’ve been hounding me, right?) any time soon.

It hurt my head really bad

The PROS

I’ve always wanted to do this

I’m easily recognizable

I can try different avenues of jobs

I have a different look!

So, here in detail is what I did to my head and why it might not be such a great idea to follow my footsteps if you’re old enough to have to memorize your SSN, Loan account numbers and your credit card number.

I bought a box of SPLAT Pink Fetish (I actually had to go back and get two because my hair is dark and resistant to anything fun).

Doesn’t the male model look creepily intense?

I washed my hair with shampoo (something I do maybe once every two weeks because my poor curly hair is also on the dry side and shampoo pretty much salts the earth so speak) and dried it with my cheapy blow-dry. Before you think that I got very little enjoyment at of this process, let me stop you.

I hated this part of the process. Blow-drying my hair takes FOREVER and even with just the front it still took longer that it should’ve.

But here’s my clean dry hair before the introduction of bleach.

Normal

I’m also giving you the come hither look. *wink*

I’ve never bleached my hair before. My hair has always been a variation of the above color for the past 29+ years. I have tried auburn and I have tried red and all it did was give me highlights. As a teenager I didn’t experiment with colors in my hair because 1 – my mother would’ve cut all of my hair off 2 – I had the fear of damaging my hair put into my head by hairstylists, mothers and black ladies (I’m half-black, this argument is valid).

So, I didn’t realize the bleach would stink like hellfire and brimstone! I also didn’t realize I should’ve kept the bathroom door open and only realized my folly after the first three glovefuls of bleach were in my hair, making my eyes burn and my nostrils run pell-mell away from my face.

After getting the first layer on, I believe I used like a third of the bottle or some such, I clipped it up with a plastic clip and started to see results immediately. Now, this is where it gets exciting – or so I think.

OUCHIES!

I think I’m allergic to hair dye. I often get the burning and itchy sensation and it always feels like my scalp wants to peel away from my skull. Which is a gross image but imagine if you felt it?

I kept a washcloth handy so that I could wipe away the blood, sweat and tears and yet the burning continued. Even after I ringed my scalp line with chapstick (I don’t keep Vaseline in the house).

I started playing Borderlands 2 while I waited the requisite 50-60 minutes for the bleach to strip away my hair color – and my follicles.

At around 45 minutes, I’m noticing that only parts of my hair are pale blonde while the rest is orangey blonde. It actually looks pretty cool but I’m still pissed because my hair is going to be uneven. I realize I might have to go out and buy a second box.

15 minutes later I drown my hair in shampoo to stop the bleach from going any further because you’re not supposed to let the bleach stay in your hair for longer than an hour. BUT you can re-bleach immediately. Huh?
These were the results.

Sideshow Bob?

I could live with this but it isn’t the point

With my hair went and burnt orange (which is not a cool color with my complexion) I went to CVS to buy another box of SPLAT.

I walked out of the house like this. I feel like Sokka from Avatar

After I came back home, I realized my folly. I didn’t keep my ends moist with the bleach. Oops.

I looks like a giant golden pigeon laid on my head

This is where it started burning to the point where even blowing up Bandits, Bruisers, Buzzards and Nomads did not distract me. I kept this reapplication on for about 35 minutes before tears began leaking from the corners of my eyes.

Washing it out, I noticed it was lighter but still a bit ombre-ish. My head at this point wanted to weep. Even picking my hair up just to check the length hurt like hell.

Peek – A – Boo

Giving up the bleach because my skull would become liquified if I did it again. I let it dry before adding the pink to my hair. I did contemplate keeping it this color but the hair near the scalp was pale pale pale blonde it made me look very washed out.

After the suitable amount of time, I popped in the pink. This stuff is thick!!! It also smells like berry medicine which is much better than hellfire and brimstone but still nauseating. Just in a different way.

Like My Little Ponies vomited on my head

This process doesn’t really hurt. Well ok, a little but that’s only because my head is still raw from the bleach.

This baby stays on my head for about 30 minutes or until my husband gets out of the shower.

Now, after the time is up, I have to wash my hair about a million times with shampoo and conditioner (well, I just added the conditioner because my hair felt like straw) until it runs clear. This process is the most boring. Before that though, I needed to remove the bathmat so I didn’t stain it as well as get a few towels to mop up the mess I was making with the shower head.

After about 10  minutes of washing JUST THE FRONT OF MY HAIR, I hopped in the shower for another 20 to wash my whole head and wait until the water ran clear.

The final result: I pretty much look like Freefall from Gen13 if any of you are comic nerds. Well, minus the cheesecake factor and I have curly hair.

Freefall from Gen13

Nah, I’m just kidding, I don’t look that good. This is what it really looks like:

However, it’s still a bit uneven.

Moral of this story? I’m glad I did this pain in the ass thing that I’ve always wanted to do and if I was 16 or 17 this would have been the most awesomest thing ever!

But being older, this was a painstakingly long process (literally and figuratively) just to get uneven pink. I like it and I may keep it up with it until the bleach gets to the point where I can chop it off but probably never again after that.
Now, on to the next one.

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